Franny Armstrong, acclaimed director of global warming drama-documentary The Age of Stupid, has attacked the BBC and Channel 4 over their green documentary records, calling them “miserable.”

Both the Beeb and C4 strenuously denied the charges and both alluded to series both past and present which show they are doing their bit for the global warming cause.

The Age Of Stupid is interesting for a number of reasons: It’s a polemic documentary – i.e. it will drum up outrage, support and debate; it was ‘crowd-funded’, which means it was financed by donations from (in this case) 228 people; and its film premier last month, which screened the film in a solar-powered tent and was broadcast via satellite to 65 other locations, has gone into the Guinness Book of Records as the Biggest Simultaneous Film Premier in History.

More to follow, but as always, please leave a message and let me know what you think.

I’m sure Crank 2: High Voltage is  a shockingly bad film. I haven’t seen it, nor the first one, but you can guarentee that any film with Jason Statham playing a cockney John McClane with the tagline ‘He was dead. Then he got better’ is going to be bloody awful. Granted, a few teenagers with haywire testerone are going to love it in much the same way they regard Statham’s other action franchise The Transporter, but the rest of us will either avoid it or leave the cinema and run straight home for a Coen Bros/Scorcese boxset marathon to exercise the memory.

It’s that tagline, though, that really got me thinking. ’He was dead. Then he got better.’ are pretty much the worst, most oxymoronical two clauses I’ve ever seen placed next to each other. It says nothing, it means nothing except “Jason Statham is a hard c***”, but also gets across the point that he’s a terrible actor (so maybe there is some redeeming quality to it.)

I’m going to be updating this post in the next few days as and when I recall any other particularly bad movie taglines, but I need your help: Please leave a comment with any golddust you’ve got floating lackadaisically around in your brain head.

Eds note: I’m intending this post as an open forum, i.e. I don’t want to do all the work. (In fact, my part will be close to non-existent.) This also required people leaving comments or I’m going to look pretty stupid.

Here, Eye Box casts its mind over other movie franchises which just won’t go away and considers how we can get rid of them…

The idea of a franchise film is the epitome of the goldmine and was, and still is, quintessentially Hollywood. It could not have been invented anywhere else. Of course, there have always been sequels and multiple series which had a single protagonist (think Film Noir) and these were, first and foremost, created for the financial rewards they reaped. But the franchise is different: It is purely driven by financial performance and quality is an afterthought. The first franchises can be traced back to the late seventies - the Star Wars series was certainly an epochal moment [Eds note please correct me of you feel I'm out on dates] – but it was the eighties, with the Back To The Future, Alien and monumental Terminator series that lead the way. These series, however, were skillful pieces of filmmaking which deserved their box office success.

Unfortunately, the legacy of these series has turned ugly. Certain franchises are so bad to place your eyes on, you can’t tell if you’ve just stared at an eclipse. All you know is your eyes hurt a lot and you feel sick. Academics have tried to explain it, but the truth is, it’s a mystery: It’s just horrible. Some of the best of the worst follow…

Pirates of the Caribbean: This series was steered well initially and stayed on course until the third hit the whirlpool and you knew it was time to stop. Except they haven’t. Pirates of the Caribbean 4 is due out in 2012, avec Johnny Depp in eye make-up et al. Sh*t’s ahoy!

Scream: Another franchise which just doesn’t know how to die. Again, the first film was great; a genuine return to good old slasher-gore fun. Unfortunately, the third was terrible and <<SHOCK HORROR>>, a fourth has been announced. Who’s the killer going to be this time? I don’t care. Me on myself if I see it, probably.

Hostel: Simply, I hated the first, despised the second and encourage those who are excited by the prospect a third to finish the trilogy to seek help. By help, of course, I mean better taste. Due out in 2010.

Jumper: Lets weigh up the evidence. Hayden Christensen. Bad sci-fi dialogue. It’s the Star Wars prequel trilogy. No, wrong. This is even worse, it’s the Jumper duology. Avoid the 2011-scheduled second part at all costs.

But for every absolutely terrible duology, trilogy, quadology ad infinitum, there’s always at least one sequel to look forward to. Comedy fans stand to attention, the man, the legend, the hero…RON BURGUNDY is coming back for more seventies news-themed brilliance in Anchorman 2. And Ben Affleck said State of Play would be the last movie set in a newsroom. No one ever said Affleck was a smart man.

This is just to say a quick thank you to the BBC Blogs editorial team who linked my post on The Wire, which brought a lot of new people to my blog, and also to the Blogs of the Day wordpress blog, which ranked Eye Box in a top 100 last week. All good news and posting will increase over the next few days. I’ve been working at the Times Higher Education magazine so my output has dipped a bit but keeping checking in for more tele and film news and opinion.

Welcome to the world’s first Tellydump…

File size: 6.31MB

So, The Wire, the Greatest Show of All-Time according to critics all over place, debuted yesterday on BBC2. When it was first announced, I was so relieved that I wasn’t going to have to fork out the better part of £100 to buy box-sets of all six series that I didn’t stop to consider an old problem with US imports on the Beeb which is threatening to spoil my childlike excitement.

What I’m referring is the 11.20pm start time. Every weekday. Yesterday I had no problems staying the full hour but I can see the novelty quickly wearing thin. Friday nights are almost definitely out.

But that shouldn’t be problem now that BBC iPlayer exists, right? Wrong. They can’t secure rights. And believe me, this has not gone down well online. These are a small selection of comments on the BBC messageboards today:

Dominicokey1 said: “11.20 is way too late for me on a week night, but ending at past midnight is even worse… COME ON, PUT IT ON iPLAYER” [sic]; Bertie said: “It is outrageous that such a much-trumpeted show is a) On at such a ridiculous hour and b) That it is not available to non night-owls via iplayer.” Etc etc. In short, people have been waiting a long time for terrestrial Wire and they are not happy.

The issue at hand is the right to show on-demand content. Senior Editorial Manager for BBC iPlayer Jonathan Murphy immediately blogged to explain the situation (proving how hot a topic it had become). He wrote:

“This is down to the thorny issue of Rights. Much of our programming is made or commissioned by the BBC giving us the “primary rights”, including the right to make it available on iPlayer and all its various platforms (PC, TV, mobile, games devices). However, in some cases, the BBC will buy in material, where the primary rights may be held by big international commercial organisations – in this case, it’s the cable broadcaster HBO.”

And Murphy is correct: rights are a “thorny” issue. A similar conundrum affects the Beeb’s online showing of Heroes, and, in honesty, they have no power to act. So the question then becomes: Why show the programme so late? Last night’s viewing figures were a strong 600,000 (8% of overall share) but this is likely to tail off quickly unless the show is brought forward, or repeated at an earlier hour on BBC3.

I don’t know if it is an editorial policy of BBC schedulers but they always seem to air top-draw American imports at really strange, late hours. The list is startling: Seinfeld (see this 2001 Neil Perry Guardian post), Family Guy (never on earlier than 11pm on BB3) and Arrested Development (see these irate fans rantings for proof). Hopefully, I’ll be able to speak to someone at the Beeb tomorrow and get some kind of answer.

Eds note: I’m going to post a podcast about this up tomorrow, where myself and Ali Plumb (my co-News Ed at Tell! Magazine) will be reprising our Newsdump roles for new format Teledump. Also look out for an appearance from fellow City journalist Nick Johnstone.

Upon hearing the news that The Apprentice scored the

BBC1

Ashes to Ashes will be back for new series, it was announced today. The new series, set in 1982, will star everyone’s favourite anti-PC Pc Gene Hunt (Philip Glenister) and “will move the show in a slightly new direction”  say producers, but there’s no indication whether this will be final bow for the Life On Mars spin-off.

Also, Sophie Okenedo has signed up has been signed up to play Winnie Mandela in a 90-minute, one-off drama later this year in Mrs Mandela, which will focus on the controversial lady’s relationship everyone’s favourite state figure Nelson progressed after their first meeting way back in the 1950s.

BBC1 have also announced a Doctor Who Easter special co-starring Michelle Ryan, which will add to continuing speculation she is to take over as the Doctor’s new sidekick. Besides that, it’s now you should really be watching the channel, with The Number 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency currently showing on Sundays, alongside the long-awaited return of the televised Alan Sugar ego-trip (no bad thing), now screening on Wednesdays.

BBC2

The Big Event of the Television Calender Year was not Red Riding on Channel 4; my feelings about that particular let-down are well documented on this blog. No, the real firecracker will commence this coming Monday when American cop/gangster drama The Wire has been pencilled to begin the mammoth 60-episode run from series 1-5, so please, no-one phone me between the hours of 11.20pm and 12.20am, Monday to Friday. Unfortunately the BBC haven’t secured an iPlayer licence from American net HBO, so it’s late night viewing or nada.

BBC3

It looks set to be an interesting few months for the Beeb’s ‘youngest’ station. Pulling, the excellent cringe-comedy written and starring Sharon Horgan, be back for a one-off special. Also returning for a new series is ghost drama (is that a real term or have I just made that up?) Almost Human, which I like because it’s set near a part of Bristol where I lived for a year as an undergraduate.

There’s also a potentially interesting factual ‘Belief Season’ lined up. A series of documentaries will explore the more odd and unexpected ways that faith can impact on young people. As an opponent of organised religion, I’ll be interested to see what these docs have to teach my overly-cynical mind.

BBC4

The Beeb’s ‘Intellectual’ channel is sticking to what it knows in the coming months. Paul Merton’s love of all things silent movie will continue with Paul Merton on Hitchcock, a look at the great director’s experimental early work. Merton previously presented Paul Merton’s Silent Clowns in 2007 and frequently lectures and holds screening on and from the genre. (You can book tickets for his current tour here.)

The new series of US mega-hit Mad Men will also screen on BBC4, as well as a Storyville documentary on the career of Roman Polanski, the wild American director famous for films such as Rosemary’s Baby and Chinatown – one of my personal favourite films – and infamous for fleeing the US after being convicted of statutory rape. In addition, Charlie Brooker’s Screenwipe will also return for more televisual irreverancy. However, it is the announcement of a rare TV interview with the brilliant American folk guitarist Neil Young which has really got my attention. Neil Young – Don’t Be Denied will be screen later this year, on a currently unspecified date.

To sign off this post, here’s a vid of Young playing ‘All Along The Watchtower’ at the October 1992 BobFest…

All pics courtesy of BBC

When I was young my dad told me the story of why he gave up on his dream of becoming a professional footballer when he was about 15.

At this point in time (many moons ago), he was on the books at Crystal Palace. He and two other boys, a local kid and Irish boy who’d come over for the trial, were vying for two conditional professional contracts and had an afternoon to prove their worth. They were put through a variety of tests by a coach, whose surname was Blake, and from what my old man told me, the Irish lad was by far and away the best of the three. However, when the coaches made their choice, it was the Irish kid who was rejected. My dad was bemused as they offered him and the other kid, who’d performed terribly, youth team contracts.

Glancing at the boy’s name on the contract he was about to sign, the truth became clear: The boy’s name was John Blake. He was the coach’s nephew. My dad was so disgruntled that he passed over the contract (Disclaimer: He didn’t find another club, so maybe he tells the story with a hint of bitterness now.)

There is a topical reason why I tell this story now. Today, it was revealed that Clint Eastwood has given a role to his son Scott in his latest film The Human Touch, a drama which will document Nelson Mandela’s attempts to use the national rugby team to beat South African racism. Movie nepotism, unfortunately, has come to the fore once again.

In a good week for family-favouritism, a Tom Hanks-produced film, The Great Buck Howard, will open on Friday and stars – you guessed it – Colin Hanks. Also in the past twelve months, we’ve also seen Will Smith star alongside soon Jaden in The Pursuit of Happiness.

I’m not arguing the merits of Scott Eastwood as a movie actor – on the contrary I haven’t got a clue what he’s like, to be totally honest, I’ve never taken much notice of him. But it does seem odd Scott got the nod for a part as one of the Saffers rugby team, particularly so when you factor in the rest of his CV. He has previously appeared in Gran Torino and Flags of Our Fathers… yes, both films Clint directed.

To be fair to Eastwood Snr, and nepotists everywhere, it would be hard not to help out a struggling son, daughter or nephew when you’ve already got a mega-successful career with a contacts book that contains enough stars’ numbers that you could be mistaken for an astrologer (apologies for the awful analogy) and it certainly isn’t Eastwood Jnr’s fault for accepting the help. Perhaps, in fact, nepotism is just a natural phenonema, which as with all things in life, help some and hinders others in a bizarre game of random chance.

Nepotism is a bit like a friend you don’t really like who lives close by: You know they’re always around somewhere and every few months they’ll pop up and give you an uncomfortable reminder of why you don’t want to see them and in film it’s more prevalent than most industries. Just think of all of the famous Hollywood acting dynasties who pepper the industry: The Newmans, the Barrymores, the Fondas, the Camerons, the Scorceses, the Cameron-Scorceses… etc etc ad infinitum.

A great resource for all things Hollywood and nepotistic can be found by clicking this link to Hollywood Nepotism.net, conclusive proof that talent truly is relative.

Please complete the below poll with your opinion:

Image courtesy of BBC press office

Great news for terrestrial TV viewers in the UK – BBC2 has announced that they are to screen all 60 episodes of the critically-acclaimed crime drama The Wire.

The show, named by many critics as the greatest television show of all time, has never been seen on terrestrial television in UK, although it has been shown on Sky and is available on DVD.

The show, set in drug-addled Baltimore, is unique for its single-themed seasons and storylines told from the perspectives of both the police and the criminals.

BBC2 has developed a pedigree for screening popular American dramas, signing 24 and Heroes in recent years.

Full scheduling details to follow.